Mental illness is not an excuse to assault or otherwise harm the people closest to you. I learned this the hard way. It does not matter the reason, if you continue to hurt those who love you, intentionally or unintentionally, they will eventually leave. Everyone deserves happiness and at some point they will take ownership of that.
Your actions, no matter the reason, your behavior, no matter the intent, have consequences, no matter what it is you want.
This is a crucial point in the management of mental illness as it relates to interpersonal situations. Too often there is a focus on only the self with respect to the illness and not to others in our lives and how our illness affects them. And many times this is because the illness is already overwhelming at the personal level.
Our illness is our responsibility. Our actions are our responsibility. When we assault others physically or emotionally or mentally because we are not managing our illness for whatever reason, we are betraying a fundamental trust that exists in our interpersonal spaces.
The presence of others is a gift, not a right. When we violate that gift through assault whether on their person or boundaries, we create a situation in which people will withdraw because the risk to them is too high.
This is not to say that you can somehow control the illness. If you could it would not be an illness. This is merely an insightful consideration on the road to mental health. Not all illnesses only harm us. Some illnesses are capable of spilling over to those we love whether it be Ebola or bipolar disorder.
As Nathaniel Branden points out in his book “The Six Pillars of Self Esteem,” there comes a point in our realization that we are fundamentally alone. No one is coming for us. People are around us because they love us, because they opt to, not because we are entitled to them. If our management of our illness is so poor that we endanger them in some way, they will withdraw. The severity of the withdrawal is usually in response to the severity of the attack.
If you are living with mental illness, and you want the love and support from those around you, it is imperative that you learn to not assault them, with words or actions. You are responsible for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. No one else is, and no one is coming to save you from your illness.
